Sunday, August 25, 2013

What Steve Harvey won't tell women about finding a 'good' man...

Last Thursday I was channel surfing and happened to land on the 'Steve Harvey Show'. I was just about to turn the channel when Steve declared that he had a couple of 'full-proof' questions women could ask men on a first date to let them know whether he's a 'good' man or not. 

I said, okay...I gotta' see this. 

Now, for this particular segment, Steve played a video of a blonde haired, blue eyed woman who asked him for help in her pursuit of a 'good' man. 

Now, everything about this woman screamed 'party girl', but then I thought, maybe I'm being too let's give her a chance. Shortly afterwards I started thinking, with all the sistas trying to find a good man, you'd think Steve would help them first; but I understand he has to cater to a certain demographic to keep his job. So I was like, okay...I can still see what he's got in store. 

Steve started explaining how there's a lot of 'good' men out there, there's just a science to actually finding them. Seconds later, he brought out two 'good' men for the audience to look over. 

Two white men in their mid 30's came out and sat down. 

Now, this immediately sent the message that the only 'good' men, are white men. 'Cause again, I was watching the 'Steve Harvey' show. And I understand this woman was white, so more than likely she wanted a white man for a mate; but I've seen a Steve Harvey show where he prepared a whole ceremony for a white man to re-propose to his black wife; and I've seen instances where he tried to help black women find good men, and there's usually at least one white guy he provides for them to choose from. But again, I understand who employs him, so I said okay...let's hear Steve's 'full-proof' questions.

Now, to the woman's credit, she did look much more sobered and made up for the show than she did in the video; and after the bachelors sat down, this woman began explaining how she usually asks her men friends if their parents are still married when she's on a first date. One of the bachelors said that question smacked of her having ulterior motives; Steve then said, it made her sound more or less like a 'gold digger'. 

The woman then told Steve she had a predilection for club-hopping on the weekends. Mind you, this woman was 28 years old. That's when my instincts about her being a party girl were confirmed. And the woman also confirmed that that's how every man she meets views her. Well if she stayed out of the clubs every weekend, she'd see they would view her differently. 

Now, I have no problem with women who club or bar hop, but at 28, if you say you're looking for a 'serious' relationship, you've gotta' know that's counter-productive. 

Then, Steve finally got to his three 'full-proof' questions women can ask men to see if they're 'good' catches or not; and here they are:

1. What are your short term goals. 
2. What are your long term goals. 
3. How long have your parents been married. 

Then Steve said, if the man you're with can't answer these questions on a first date, then a woman should get up and walk off. 

Now, if you happen to be a woman reading this, let me tell you exactly why you SHOULDN'T ask a man these questions on a first date. 

A lot of american women, regardless of ethnicity, tend to view first dates as interrogation sessions. I don't know when this became fashionable, but a lot of women think men want to be asked a battery of questions on a first date; and let me tell you, there's no bigger turn off to men than having to sit through a mock job interview on a date...especially a first one. 

For some reason, women think this is a way to get to know a man; what they're not realizing is, any mature man can tell you everything you want to hear...and remember, those are just words. How he'll act can be the polar opposite of what he's told you. 

A first date should be very fluid, easy-going and relaxing; it shouldn't feel like I'm applying for an executive position in some corporate office. 

And the MOST important question any woman should ask in regards to dating or finding a mate, is a question she'll ask herself. This goes for men as well. And that question is:

Do you know who you're attracting and who you're attracted to?

The woman on the Steve Harvey show will probably be in bad relationships her whole life; and the reason is, she doesn't know herself at all. 

I'd be willing to bet money this woman comes from an unstable household; that's why she's power-drinking, club hopping and having copious amounts of sex with an assortment of men. Now, she told Steve that her parents had been married for forty years, but I'd be willing to bet they weren't happily married for forty years...and they've probably been separated for short amounts of time as well. That definitely affected this woman, and it affects her choices in men. 

Understand if you come from an unstable and abusive household, you're gonna' be attracting and attracted to people from unstable and abusive households. That's how the subconscious mind works, and most people don't even recognize the problem at that level.  

And even less people are willing to do the subconscious work to recondition themselves out of the childhood trauma(s) that make them pick bad partners. 

Remember, the unwritten 'golden rule' for dating is: You MUST know yourself to pick good partners. 

Because the character traits you have, are going to be the character traits your partner will have...guaranteed. Especially if you're gonna' be with this person on a long-term basis. 'Cause quiet as it's kept...opposites attract, but they DON'T last. Or they only last until the novelty of your differences ware off, and you eventually find someone who's more like yourself to be with long-term. 

So again, if you're a woman reading this, the best question you can ask a man on a first date is simply: "What do you do?" The answer to this and your replies, along with finding out what you and he like and don't like, can easily last for an entire date. AND it keeps everything very casual...and a hell of a lot more fun for both of you. 

So, I'll refer back to an ancient saying from my ingenious ancestors for what will land you the best date or life mate. 

And that's simply this: 'Know thyself'. 

And that's ultimately the best dating advice anyone can give you...and you don't have to pay some dating consultant $100 an hour for it. 

It all begins and ends with what YOU bring to a relationship. Once you know that, you can masterfully perceive which man or woman is the one who'll make you happiest right now...or which one will make you happiest in your future endeavors. 

Ma'at Hotep,

MontUHURU Mimia