Wednesday, June 3, 2015

3 ways Jill Scott, and Black women, can attract a 'marriage-minded' Black man (Part 2)...Why blame whitey for Black dysfunction?

Originally, I was planning a different topic for this week's post...that was until a comment from a Black woman named 'Saquorya', was made on my last one.

And usually I make my responses in the comment section of this Blog; but this woman's comments were so timely, that I had to respond right away. And I didn't think the limited space in my Blog's comment section, would do my answer, or this debate, justice.

So what I’m gonna’ do here, is present the opening lines of her comment, to get this debate going, 'cause there's a lot to cover. 'Saquorya' wrote: 'My ex husband and I had a discussion. Now, in all this eradication of harmful psychological torment that was heaped on us, we missed something else, what then are women/men supposed to do in relationships, what are their roles and responsibilities? I mean let's be frank we were raised by parents who are also products of the same harmful system so we cannot eradicate everything. So we then have re-learn what our roles are because if they aren't to hate each other than what are they? Most men grow up ill-equipped to take on fatherly/husband roles whereas girls are more equipped to handle momoherhood.'

Now, I want to focus on Saquorya's statement saying: So we then have (to) re-learn what our (men and women's) roles are, because if they aren't to hate each other, then what are they?

And if she's reading this, I'd like to say firstly, and emphatically, that Black men and women, don't need to 're-learn' our roles; what we need to do is re-condition ourselves out of the self-hatred that white fascists have force-fed into us, in the disguise of an 'american education'. 'Cause once we do this, the cohesion between the Black man and woman will return, and the stable Black 'nuclear' families created by this, will teach us our right roles again. That is, if we choose to do the work to reclaim our 'right minds'.

Here's another part of her comment: 'It (the white fascist system) cripples black men from really seeing they have issued they need to face to run deeper than do you hate black women. Black men are insecure and seem to lack headship skills a d knowledge to stand comfortably and confidently in his role. Where can u learn that? If not from God?'

More of her comment: 'I watched my ex (leave) from my brand new truck I bought myself, my Anne Klein dress with matching shoes and my handbag and hair that is natural in them middle of my back and we'll kept for: (for) an overweight woman who had tats, piercings everywhere she was unkempt and smelled of weed. She had four screaming kids in the back seat of her truck whose back window was gone and had a trash bag as a substition for a window.' 

And she continues to speak on how her ex-husband was completely dysfunctional: 'I dress well I am complement and stared at often and told how modestly beautiful I am. That is what,awesome people the ability to attract with modesty. Yes it is possible. My husband called thus bourgeois I liked to dine in nice restuarants.i was bourgeois. I enjoy travel and different cultures. That made me bourgeois. I also cooked different t foods and have an insatiable appetite for learning and achieving things. I was bourgeois for that too. My husband saw fit to abuse me because he felt his woman was the only thing he had the right to control.'

Now, I think the best way for me to answer, or address these questions/comments, are with the last few questions I posed to Black women on my last post.

So, in regards to this, my first question to 'Saquorya', will be: Do you know who you're attracting and who you're attracted to?

And Saquorya, if you're reading this, what I mean is, there's no way you could meet, date, fall in love with and ultimately marry a Black man that was this dysfunctional, without coming from some kind of dysfunctional household, or background yourself. There's no way you should’ve been married to someone who was nothing like you.

Cause a 'universal truth' is: we ultimately attract people who have traits that we ourselves, possess.

Now, I am sorry to hear that you were abused in this relationship, 'cause no one deserves that; but, if you're upper-scale, articulate, world-traveled and morally upstanding, you're not going to attract, or be attracted to, an under-educated, oversexed and abusive Black man. Meaning, a past trauma of yours, is what led you to date and marry this person.

Now, this leads me to some other questions I posed on my last post: Do you have a good relationship with your father? Was he in your life the majority of the time?

And if you've answered no to these questions, then you can't tell me, you weren't thinking the worst about Black men before you met your ex-husband. And this manifested in the relationship you had with him. And if you're saying, well, if I had a more responsible father in my life, I wouldn't hold these beliefs about Black men; I want to remind you how I detailed in my last post, how white fascists, especially through the educational system, not only conditioned us to hate ourselves, but everyone who looks like us. So I can't see how you can just dismiss this as not having any effect on the current dysfunction we see in Black men, or Black people on the whole. Especially in terms of Black male and female relationships.

Now, let me remind you again, how you view every Black man without exception, you wrote: 'Black men are insecure and seem to lack headship skills a d knowledge to stand comfortably and confidently in his role. The headship arrangement is where black men are crippled. He doesn't know anything about his role and how to exercise that role. Men typically are uninvolved with sticking to principles that would provide his family with a better standards or living and a set of morals to live by to make his family productive, but black men are flagrantly absent in this part of a relationship.'

Now, going into a relationship with this attitude towards all Black men, is it any wonder why you had a bad relationship with your ex-husband? And I know for a fact, the household you came from must have fostered the opinions you have of Black men before you met your ex-husband. A woman doesn’t draw these kinds of conclusions on the whole of Black men, after one relationship.

Here's another exerpt of what you wrote: 'To be frank I am sick of hearing what the white system has done. Why? Because when a person repeats victimologies he stays a victim and is powerless to change. I am sick of black men leaning on this same ideologies, not that it' isn't true, but it seems like this explanation of what whites did is more like a crutch now.'

And my response to this is, if you yourself say it's true that this white supremacist system is completely dedicated to our people's destruction, then how can you just dismiss this as a 'crutch' for Black men? The reason you have so much of a problem with all Black men, is because of the dysfunction conditioned into them by this same white system. Remember, everything Black men and women are taught, damn near since they start walking, has conditioned, and is continually conditioning us to hate everything about ourselves and each other.

And again, knowing all of this, why are you so willing to forgive the white fascists who created it?

And when you say people tell you you're good looking, and you wear matching Anne Klein dresses and shoes, and you have a new truck...understand, these things don't impress a 'marriage-minded' Black man. 'Cause this financially and emotionally secure man DOESN'T NEED ANY MATERIAL THING FROM YOU! He's already got these material things...that's why he's marriage-minded. 

What he's looking for in a woman, is someone who's peaceful and non-judgmental; someone who'll give him the benefit of the doubt in case something does go wrong, and someone who believes he can fix a problem if one arises. And here's another question I have to ask you: judging by what you've written, are you really capable of doing that for any marriage-minded Black man?

See, the head inbreds I call white fascists, want us to obsess over material things; so when you say you're natural hair is 'down your back', this smacks of something an anglophile, not a marriage-minded Black man, would be impressed by. Again, it's whitey who wants us stuck on superficial nonsense like this; a marriage-minded Black man isn't obsessing over a woman's physical features, he wants to know what you have to offer him 'emotionally', more than anything.

And here's yet another question, and the most important one I posed to Black women on my last post: ARE YOU A BLACK WOMAN WHO'S CONDITIONED TO HATE BLACK MEN?

Are you Saquorya? Do you know if you are?


'Cause everything you've written, points to the fact that you’re completely conditioned to hate us.

Now, am I saying all of the dysfunction of the Black Diaspora, is all the fault of Black women? OF COURSE NOT! BUT IT'S ALSO NOT ALL THE FAULT OF BLACK MEN EITHER!

The point I'm trying to make, again, is BOTH BLACK MEN AND WOMEN, HAVE BEEN CONDITIONED TO HATE OURSELVES AND EACH OTHER...and you can't say the white fascists who did this, aren't directly responsible for our dysfunctional relationships.

Moreover, if you were to find the perfect Black man tomorrow, ultimately, your relationship with him still wouldn't work; 'cause consciously, or subconsciously, you're conditioned to hate him.

And understand, the other element of this white supremacist brainwashing, includes us ultimately forgiving white fascists for how they've decimated our minds and communities. That's why there's a church on every corner of a Black neighborhood. They want us to adopt the idea that our dysfunction has nothing to do with them. Thus, the Black Diaspora should continue to deepen the hatred for ourselves; 'cause the only conclusion one can draw behind this, is that Black people are born this way.

Now, here's the last question I have for you: ARE YOU WILLING TO CHANGE YOUR OPINION OF BLACK MEN?

'Cause if you believe there are NO good Black men out there, this will be your reality for the rest of your life.

Again, are you willing to see if you're conditioned to hate Black men, FOR REAL? And if not, you need to be completely honest about that too; so you can plan your life accordingly.

So Saquorya, I hope I've given you the answers to at least one or two of your questions; or I'm hoping I've given you some food for thought. 'Cause ultimately the message of my last post, and ultimately this Blog is, that Black people have lost everything to the self-hatred that's been bred into us by this white fascist social order.

And the riddance of this, is ultimately the only thing that'll save us.

And this is the real responsibility the Black man and woman has to themselves, and each other.


MontUHURU Mimia


If you'd like to read 'Saquorya's' full comment, you can do that on my previous post.

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