Saturday, May 24, 2014
The triumph(s) of Terrence Howard (Part 2)...What's the most important dating question you'll ever ask yourself?
Recently, I wrote a post praising the work of Terrence Howard; and it was bought to my attention by a commenter on that post, that Terrence had some pretty derogatory things to say about Black women. So I did some research to find out what's been goin' on with the man.
Now, I'm suspecting it was a Black woman who left a comment saying Terrence referred to sistas as 'antiquated', and then said white women represented 'progress'. And since then, I've been trying to find this televised interview to determine the veracity of whether or not he made this crass a statement towards sistas.
It looks like he in fact did make this statement after I did some checking, only thing is, the powers that be seemed to have conveniently lost this interview footage in the name of 'damage control'.
But, there's another part of said interview, where Terrence allegedly spoke on his white wife calling him the 'n-word'. He also said she wanted nothing to do with their Black child, and this woman also allegedly hit Howard.
And this put a different slant on this interview beyond the ethnic slams therein.
It seems brotha Terrence not only has a problem with Black women...but women period.
Now usually, I'm used to putting and keeping on my Black Nationalism cap; but for this post, I think I'll take it off for a sec' and talk about something I haven't discussed in a while...dating and relationships.
Terrence has been married four times, and it seems he's the type who doesn't like to be alone, 'cause one of his wives he married after only knowing her for a month. Now, I'd say the majority of us don't like being alone for too long a stretch; but Terrence marrying after a month makes his actions seem down-right pathological.
And this brings me back to a post I did on Steve Harvey titled, 'What Steve Harvey won't tell women about finding a good man'.
Now, in terms of finding a desirable mate, there's one question you should ask yourself before you even consider entering the dating scene; and this rings true for men AND women.
And that question is: Do you know who you're attracting and who you're attracted to?
I remember once, I was at a club on my birthday in New York City, and I was at one of my favorite live music spots, 'S.O.B.'s', which stands for 'Sounds of Brazil' and not son-of-a...
Anyway, it was a night the musical artist Jaguar Wright was performing; and shouts out to her for a great performance. So, the night was on a 'smooth R&B tip.' *smiles*
Now, everyone there was pretty much paired up, so I felt a bit conspicuous flying solo, but I was determined to have a good time anyways.
Then, one of the club's waitresses walks up to me and starts conversing; she was a nice lady, looked to be in her early forties and she had a nice body and smile. But there was a problem, the fact that this woman came up to me and starting conversing was something a lot of men would take as a sign of her being oversexed and from an unstable and abusive household. And I know women are gonna' think, oh my goodness, you can't possibly draw that kind of conclusion from someone just coming up to you and starting a conversation; I'm not saying this was true about this woman, I'm just saying a lot of men would think this because she essentially 'made the first move'.
Now, if you're a woman reading this, it's imperative you know that you MUST always let a man make the 'first move' in terms of a conversation or a flirtation. And this has nothing to do with your right to be a feminist, or a 'modern day woman'...remember, in the eyes of a man, if a woman makes the first move, what he'll think about her instantly is, I'll have sex with her, but she's not relationship material.
And I'm not saying that's how it should be, I'm just saying that's how it really is. And, I was surprised that this mature woman didn't know this fact, or at least she wasn't acting like it.
Then I noticed the woman had a nose ring, now, facial piercings I know from experience mark the sign of a woman, or a person, who's suffered a severe childhood trauma. Again, I'm not saying this woman is not a good person, but understand that facial piercings and tattoos on a woman, make her look like she's either had a history with drugs and/or histories with too many of the wrong types of men.
But we kept conversing, 'cause I didn't see any need to be rude. Then she walked off and tended to her table stations.
After several minutes she came back and we conversed some more; then she confessed to me that she was a single mother. Now, I don't have a problem with this, but with all the other factors of how she approached me, I knew, this wasn't a woman I'd date. She then said she'd get my phone number before leaving to tend to her table stations again. That was a relief.
After several more minutes, I saw she was speaking to co-workers and Jaguar Wright had finished her set, so that's when I took my leave.
This woman doesn't realize that her approach to men, or to me at least, was all wrong. And I could tell this wasn't the first time she'd approached a guy in this club like that. But ultimately, here's why I wouldn't date that woman; it's because I know what kind of women I'm attracting.
Understand, if you come from an unstable and abusive household, you're going to attract and be attracted to, other people from unstable and abusive households.
And there's NO WAY two people from those backgrounds can create a stable and highly functional home. 'Cause subconsciously, you're gonna' attract someone who never knew what a stable relationship looks like.
And I'm sure everyone reading this knows a friend who gets into bad relationship after bad relationship, and doesn't know why.
Also, notice we're talking about the subconscious mind again.
'Cause in order to resolve this problem, you're gonna' have to access the childhood trauma in your subconscious that's making you pick these kind of dates and mates.
This is the stuff they (the fractured educational system) should be teaching us in middle or high school...but what do they have us doing instead? Dissecting frogs.
The elite know that accessing and reconditioning the subconscious mind is the real way to get free of any mental conditioning that's keeping us down. Either politically or socially. That's why they keep this info. from us.
And ultimately, it's meditation that will help us access the subconscious mind. And note, when I say meditation, I'm not talking about doing some light yoga to get rid of daily stresses; I'm talking about going and getting into the deepest recesses of your subconscious through either affirmations or self-hypnosis; and if you can do both, your meditation sessions will be even more effective.
So, getting back to Terrence Howard, do I think he'll ever do what's required to change his thinking and actions towards dating and marrying...probably not. You know why? 'Cause most of us don't even recognize the problem at this level, and if we do, we're hyper-reluctant to do the meditative work to change it.
But I hope brotha Terrence does see where his dating and mating mishaps stem from, 'cause he's too talented to have his vocational life in order, and his personal life in shambles.
If you'd like to read the post I wrote on Steve Harvey, you can see it here.